The news came last Thursday, and it was more exciting than I ever imagined. My oldest child texted me from school informing me that her classmates were logging into the application portal and realizing their acceptance to Texas A&M University. She asked if I had her application password (you know one of those like FGT$%^%$#) with me, and I didn’t. We were both in a state until I could race home, log in, and see that fated phrase.

Welcome to Texas A&M University

EEEEK!!! I texted her a screenshot, but before she even had a chance to receive it, I called her. Then, before we even had a chance to talk, I hung up, and facetimed her. Yes, I will admit it, I was a complete freaking out spaz of a mom. It was the exact same exciting feeling of taking that first positive pregnancy test—of wanting, and hoping so much for a blessing, and then seeing the actuality! It. was. overwhelming.

She actually works in my husband’s accounting office after school, so she carried me (on facetime) down the hall, and almost broke up a meeting to tell him. I’m not sure, but I think his eyes were a little shiny at the news. He wears an Aggie lanyard to work everyday, and just ever so slightly motioned to it with an almighty “Gig ‘Em". I think we were all floating.

I immediately texted our “tribe” of family and friends to meet in town before the Decatur Homecoming game. I wanted to gather our people to celebrate, toast, and memorialize this moment. MY KID IS GOING TO BE AN AGGIE! After years of back and forth, not knowing if she even wanted to be an Aggie, and then deciding to apply, and THEN to be accepted! It was just one of the happiest days.

We celebrated with snacks and beverages, and then as rain caused delays in our hometown homecoming, we stayed for Book Trivia (which could not have been more perfect for my bookworm child). Friends, grandparents, parents, and siblings—we created a team, and worked together as much as we could muster (through our constant excitement when we remembered that thing about AGGIELAND).

After the trivia, we did manage to attend Hometown Homecoming, complete with a Senior Mum, and hugs from friends all around. It really was one of the best days—a day of things coming together, and a day to live, celebrate and love.

I'm just sitting down from the first day of school festivities. Today I sent a 7th grader, a sophomore, and a senior into school once again. Because they are growing up, and doing their own things, we didn't have our traditional first day breakfast together followed by first day pictures. I was out the door with my sophomore by 6:00 a.m. to drop him off at early morning football practice, and then headed to set up for the Senior Breakfast. My youngest had a special morning with my husband at McDonald's, and then warily walked into the field house for his first athletics meeting.

I had all the feels, but I couldn't quite figure out what the names of those feels were??

At the breakfast I chatted with moms and dads, took some group pictures, and a selfie with my own child. I poured juice. I hugged kids. I stepped back and realized she wouldn't be here next year for this first day of school. She will have her own first day of school. Away from home. 

Our family will feel different.

I think I'm slowly processing all of this change.

Thankfully, some veteran moms had arranged a "Boo Hoo Brunch," and we met for food, drinks, and support. I listened as moms talked about sending their youngest off to school, and how they were looking forward to empty nesting. I watched as a few moms teared up, knowing their lives were going to be vastly different this time next year. Most moms were brave, looking forward to what their child will do this year, how they will mature, and become ready for life as an adult.

It made me quiet. I could feel my quiet.

I think I've just cracked open this emotional experience. Right now I'm holding it together, but I'm honestly not sure how my heart will weather this Senior Storm.

We are back in the States. I'm still processing the entire trip abroad to three countries, accompanied by many teenagers, and a Swedish tour guide. I had anticipated posting and discussing our adventures while on the go, but to be honest, I was immediately so overwhelmed with emotion due to the beauty of Spain, the richness of culture, and the compassion of the people, that I lost my connection to technology. I didn't use my phone for days at a time, and it.was.wonderful. While I love being connected with people I don't have the pleasure to see daily, nothing, absolutely nothing, beats real-life, in-person, soul-scanning connection with kindred spirits. This trip absolutely changed me in so many ways. It changed me in ways I didn't realize needed to be changed. It helped me let go of shame, darkness, regret--all that shit. Shit I guess I knew I was carrying around in my Spirit, but that I didn't realize was weighing down my Soul. I literally baptized myself in Connection, and came out the other side ready for my Witness to the World.

I know this may sound a little Woo-Woo for many of you, and I realize I'm still on the travel-high, but I wanted to be over the top in my words because my emotions and Spirits are bursting at the seams. I want you to feel my exuberance, and go on this journey with me. I want you to know what now I know deeply in my gut--down in the digestive parts of my intestines--every single thing not only happens for a reason, but it happens just as it should happen for every single lesson is taught to us in a unique way--a way that allows us to learn at our own pace. Reflecting on the last two years of my emotional life, I know why they were so dark--that darkness led me to this light.

And now, I want to shine on you.

I know that's a teaser--but honestly, I must process more before I can fully explain this part of my awakening. Come back soon. Leave me a note. Ask me a question. 

My daughter and I are off to Spain this morning as part of her Spanish IV class. There are 29 kids and adults going for 10 days, and we will tour Spain, Portugal, and Morocco. I've never been to Spain, but I love travel. I love immersing myself in the culture, learning about the landscape, and marveling in the art, architecture, and treasures of another country. My husband joked with me this morning that I did indeed need to come back and not become part of Moroccan culture--he knows me well--beaded jewelry in an outdoor marketplace is my own slice of heaven. I know we will come back with some stories--especially since I'm boarding the plane with two broken toes as the result of walking on tile last week. I've already volunteered to be the caboose in the group, and might just have to stop at a cafe and drink a small glass of vino while the group does a few things. Sounds like a solid plan to me.