Dani Rhea
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I have been blessed with the opportunity to write for the Wise County Messenger, as a columnist, for the past nine years. My hometown newspaper took a chance on me based on a few letters to the editor and blog posts, and it has been one of my most favorite experiences. I write about family life, teacher life, married life, friend life, my life--I actually have creative freedom to write about anything. Because of this opportunity, I have nine years worth of articles stored in my files. NINE YEARS. My kids were so wittle back then! Now I'm facing the teenage and college years, and my experience is so different. But, I know what has made my voice stand out is the commonality I have with all moms, parents, grandparents, and everyone else in my shoes. We all just want to know we are doing a good job, right? Go ahead, read on. Leave a comment and let me know that I'm on the right track, or give me advice to get me on the right track. I'm open to you. Our words, our stories, are what connect us--they are what defines our human experience. Together. 

"Thank you so much for your columns. You are so talented and they add a lot to the paper and community." -Richard Green, Editor for the Wise County Messenger

To Fight or Not to Fight, circa 2013

I went deep into my archives to pull this article that I wrote fore the Wise County Messenger in 2013. At that time, I was working with my youngest son and his love/hate relationship with school. It’s been an on going discussion in this house even to this day…but here’s where we were in elementary school. Enjoy, and please, comment with any advice for this Momma!

That is the question.   I have two boys, and from what I’ve observed thus far, boys tend to tackle more than talk things out.  It seems I’m constantly playing referee to my own two as they tussle from one corner of the house to the next.   Through every bump and bang you can hear me in the background, “Someone’s going to get hurt!”  “Could we please stop playing imaginary warfare?”  “Don’t come crying to me when you need stitches!”  That last one sounds a little harsh, but maybe you don’t understand the CONSTANT state of tussling and tackling that is the background music of my house.

Being from a family of sisters, this form of problem solving and communicating was rather new, but through the years, and the assurance of many friends, I’ve learned to adapt a “this must be a boy thing” philosophy.  

Enter the school environment.

Last week, one of my little darlings used this tackling type of communication during PE class.  According to him, he was attacked from behind, and had to use “self defense” to escape.  His particular form of self-defense was a hockey stick.  So, much to his dismay, he had the embarrassing experience of talking to the principal and explaining the situation.  Shockingly, she did not accept his explanation of self defense, and he was issued the same consequence as his partner in crime.

That brings us to the question at hand.  How do I instruct my boys to react in this type of situation?  And, more importantly, how do I react to this type of situation? On one hand, I was glad to see my son fight back and take up for himself.  But, on the other hand, I don’t particularly want a fighter on my hands, either.   So, how do I make the distinction between the “right” and “wrong” times to throw a punch?  These were tough questions rolling around in my head most of the afternoon as I surveyed my friends and coworkers as to their philosophies of physical “communication.”  Ultimately, my husband and I had a chat with our hockey-stick-hitting son, and repeated all these same questions.  We discussed our own “should we or shouldn’t we” moments, and tried to paint various pictures to illustrate which situations might warrant this type of response.  We talked about the distinction between bullying and being bullied, and while there will always be consequences at school for throwing a punch, the consequences at home would be on a case-by-case basis. 

That’s where we left it this time, and honestly, I still feel a little uneasy about the distinct lines of “right” and “wrong” here, but I guess I’ll just roll with the punches on this one.

Growing Up Scrogginsdanielle scrogginsGrady1 Comment