The Culture of Kavanaugh

Weinstein. Lauer. Trump. Spacey. Cosby. Franken. Kavanaugh.

We recognize these names as those of politicians, newsmen, and Hollywood celebrities. We trusted these men with our country, our information, and our art. We also found these names in news headlines as part of the #MeToo movement, and we watched as other names were added to the list, a list that still isn’t complete. It’s not even close.

I don’t plan on discussing every accusation, every indiscretion, or every defense. I don’t plan on discussing those aspects, because these men, and the details of their circumstances are not the conversation. The conversation centers on our culture, and how women exist in that culture.

Many women exist in shadows, and that fact cripples me. As a woman, I’m shocked to find myself so silenced. I’m shocked to hear men shame and discount our intelligence and opinions. I’m shocked at the lengths needed to prove our stories. I ask you to listen. Believing is a personal choice, but listening is a humane act. Listen to these women. Listen to their stories. Listen to their circumstances, and listen to the patterns. 

I hear the questions and comments, and I hear the deflections. People excuse some accusations as politically motivated. Bystanders openly wonder about the timing of each report, and question why a women wouldn’t come forward sooner. People with a “good sense of humor” jab at those of us who seemingly can’t take a joke. Strangers roll their eyes when women speak out against cat calls, butt slaps, and “pet names.” Social norms blame women, their dress, their behavior, and their decisions at every turn. In the meantime, women are living in a culture of disbelief. And, the most disturbing comment comes from Time magazine, and a quote from a male voter in America, “What young man hasn’t done this?”

Stop. Stop right there. That conversation needs to change. That conversation needs to stop.

I understand why women stay silent. I know why women put up with inappropriate comments. I get why women doubt themselves. I know because when it happens to you, you talk yourself out of it. You crave it to be false. You want it to be a misunderstanding. You want it to go away. You don’t want to think you put yourself in a situation to cause your own body and mind harm. You blame yourself. You go over every detail and chastise every decision. You don’t know what people will think. You don’t know what your dad will think. You worry that maybe your memory failed. You wonder if it even happened at all. You look over your shoulder more. You cast your eyes down more. You think of yourself as a little less human, a little less worthy. I know all of this and more, because I’ve been there. As you read this article, look to your left. She’s been there. Look to your right. She’s been there. We’ve been there, and now we are courageously telling our stories, one by one. We are coming out of the shadows to change the culture. We want to feel safe. We want to feel heard. We want to be respected.

Dr. Blasey Ford testified impeccably at the recent Senate hearing for Judge Kavanaugh. She explained her experience, and how those events shaped her young life. As a professor of psychology, she also provided expert witness testimony as to how the brain retains and processes memories. She proved courageous, articulate, and intelligent. Judge Kavanaugh bullied his way through his testimony. He refused to answer questions. He worked to avoid future investigations. Watch his testimony again and consider the effects this person could have on the laws of this nation. Consider his temperament. Consider his righteousness. Consider her patience.

People across the nation glued themselves to devices, social media, and television programing as they watched the Senate hearing’s proceedings unfold. Think about that. Think about why so many were deeply invested. Men. Women. People traveling in airplanes and on subways. People in homes and at work. Ask yourself why. Ask yourself how the results of this hearing and every report dismissed by our culture will shape both our young men and young women in the moments, years, and decades ahead. Ask yourself how long women will have to suffer for the betterment of powerful men? Ask yourself which conversation we, as parents, as humans, and as a nation must have moving forward.